


Dead Inside

by starhawk2005



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Het, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-08
Updated: 2012-09-08
Packaged: 2017-11-13 20:12:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/507289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starhawk2005/pseuds/starhawk2005
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s time to stop fighting who he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dead Inside

“There’s no one else in this body, just me,” she whispers against Sam’s ear, breath caressing his skin.

Sam closes his eyes and grits his teeth, trying to shut her words out. Trying to shut _her_ out. But her body is just what she says it is – warm and soft – and he’s cold, so damn cold. Alone. Dean’s gone, and there’s no way to get him back. Everyone’s dead – Mom, Jessica, Dad, Dean. Considering everyone else he’s lost, Sam already decided months ago that it’s best to stay away from Bobby, too, just to be safe. So there’s nobody else but Ruby.

His hand twitches against the bare skin of her stomach, where she’s holding it. He wants to stroke the skin, even as he fights to keep from giving in. She’s still talking, but the words flow meaninglessly over him as he struggles against himself. This is wrong, so very wrong. 

She seems to know exactly what he’s saying to himself. “Because it’s wrong, and it’s bad, and we _shouldn’t_?”

Yes, exactly, he wants to say. But instead he finds himself kissing her back, yanking her into his lap, and his hands roughly pull her top up and off. Maybe he’s rationalizing, but he suddenly decides, what does it matter? He’s tried doing the right thing, and all it’s done is cost him his loved ones. 

Playing by the rules is what brought him to this dark, empty place.

It’s him and Ruby, alone against a demon horde that Sam knows he has the power to control, to exorcise. It’s time to stop fighting who he is.

She’s not wearing anything under her top, and her nipples seem to sear against his palms. Doesn’t matter. Nothing matters right this moment, and that’s how he wants it to be. He lets her strip his shirt off, and they continue to kiss, mashing lips together almost violently, and then they tear the rest of each other’s clothes off.

He thrusts up into her, hot and wet and deep, her dark hair tangling over his face and into his eyes and blinding him, and that’s what he wants. He doesn’t want to see anything else, he’s seen far too much already. She’s gasping, moaning, purring his name, and he wants more of that too, more of _her_ , drowning everything else out. Her clit seems to throb under his fingertips as he rubs it, her muscles fluttering and clutching around him, and heat collects at the base of his spine, ready to release.

Sam doesn’t hold it back, even though part of him is already doubting. Can he get a demon-ridden corpse pregnant? The thought makes him a little nauseous, even as Ruby’s breath catches and she comes, digging her nails into his biceps hard enough to leave marks that’ll linger for days. Even as he comes himself, releasing everything, letting go.

When it’s over, he’s too depleted to do anything, too tired to think. It’s a _blessing_ of sorts, if in a totally twisted way. For a moment, he can pretend he’s not Sam Winchester, demon-spawn, cursed and alone, rutting with his demon whore.

For a moment, he can pretend that none of this is real. It’s the only relief, the only gift he can give to himself, the only break from the darkness.


End file.
